If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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