Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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