Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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