My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
