If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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