dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
