she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
