he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
