it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
