so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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