First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
