Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
