I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
