i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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