i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
