; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so explain again why im purple
no
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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