I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
