last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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