I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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