I hope mine doesn't look like that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
