you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
