i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
