So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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