Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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