like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
