Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
