there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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