even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
