i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
