I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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