i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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