If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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