i just had sex bonerless
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
