Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
