He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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