I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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