It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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