I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
