Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
