sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
