I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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