I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
