By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
