you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
