We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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