I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize