hell yes lets make some ravioli
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You left your phone here
Wait...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
