dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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