Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
