I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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