dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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