she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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