I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
