I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
