matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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