Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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