I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
