hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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