Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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