Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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