i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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