i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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