so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
