Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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