I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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