Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
