NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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