Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
