Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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