so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
