I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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