Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
