I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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